Untangled

I've mentioned before that insecurity is a huge issue in our culture, and so when I saw this book I decided it would make for a good read.

I consider myself a pretty secure person because Jesus gave his life for mine and I am able to rest in his love for me. Because I am pretty strong willed (and passed that lovely trait on to my daughter) when someone else has a idea or response that clashes with my own I can tend to think like Taylor Swift and shake it off and not be worried that I'm doing something wrong. But, there are certain people, mostly family, whose opinion I value highly and it bothers me a lot when I think I am disappointing them. I thought reading this book might help me untangle my self esteem from the opinion of others.

I was immediately turned off and distressed by the first chapter and had to put the book down for a few days. I considered not even finishing it. The author shared a very personal account of sexual abuse by a stranger when she was four years old. She told it as a letter of forgiveness to man who abused her and included specific details that gave me more information than I felt like I needed know as a reader to understand her situation. I have a very sensitive heart and mind and am easily disturbed by TV shows or books that are violent or graphic, particularly against women and children. I know I can't watch CSI without having nightmares or just getting more paranoid about being victimized and then not trusting the Lord. So, while she needed to give her background for the reader to understand where her insecurity had it's roots, for me personally it was too much.

Fortunately I picked the book up again a few days later and really benefited from it. Her main idea is that our hearts are a tangled mess, beat up, black and blue as pictured on the cover.

She starts by discussing women throughout the Bible who were also tangled messes and how their actions were a result of the hurts they felt. She moves on to how our insecurities as women get tangled up by our own expectations, in marriage, as a mom, in our identity in the home, girlfriends, social media and success. Plenty of areas for us to dive in and explore where our worth gets tangled up.

I most appreciated the chapter on motherhood and how we often try to find our worth in our kids and how 'well' we are doing as a mom. When we are seeking for them to give us value, the stakes for success are a lot higher.

You don't have to be a mom for more than five minutes before you get a taste of "Mommy Guilt". I found out I was pregnant and thought, "Oh no! Didn't I have some wine the other night!?" Moms feel guilt over everything.

Eating- Breastfeeding vs. Formula, make your own baby food vs. store bought?

Sleeping- Cry it out or Attachment parenting?

Schooling- Homeschool/Public School/Private School/Christian School?

Working- Stay home Mom/Working Mom/Work from Home Mom

The list can go on and on!

It seems like the guilt is quite fierce when the children are babies and toddlers because new moms don't have much experience to fall back on. We forget that God chose us to be this little one's mom and we doubt that he will give us the understanding we need to competently parent. But even though it may start there, I don't think it really ever stops! When the kids are grown and gone we still can try to find our worth in how well they are doing, their jobs, their family, and their success. We give ourselves far to much credit for how our kids turn out and take far too much blame.

And when we are trying to find our worth in how we do as Moms, let the Mommy Wars begin! If the choices we make for our family have to prove that we are good enough then we are going to defend those choices, and promote those choices to others and then judge others who don't make the same choices as we have. We seem to all be competing against each other to make ourselves feel better about our choices.

I struggle when I think about how some moms are all organic and growing their own produce in the yard while mine had Pop Tarts for breakfast (I limit it to once a week! I'm still a good mom....right?!). I was blessed by her chapter on domestic disappointment and a phrase she adopted to help her untangle her self-worth from the state of her home. "I want my house to be clean enough that it's healthy, but dirty enough that we can live happy." 

As I read the book I realized that even though I may consider myself pretty secure in my worth, in some areas I still get tangled up and I need to continually remind myself that my worth is not in what I do, what I look like, or my success and failures. My worth is like real-estate. It's all determined by the price that someone is willing to pay for it. Since Jesus died to pay for my soul, I am invaluable.

Now, Lord, let my actions reflect that I believe it.

I'm giving away a copy of the book to one lucky blog reader! See how to enter the giveaway below! If you comment, make sure to click on the 'I Commented' button below! If you already follow me on Twitter, help yourself to a free entry below by clicking on 'I Follow' and tweet about my post for an extra entry!
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I received a copy of this book through the Revell Reads Program, in exchange for my honest review. All opinions are my own.