Talking Back to Purity Culture

My husband and I sat down with a former youth group student who was going through a divorce. He seemed angry at God for allowing his marriage to fail, particularly upset that sex in marriage had been such a disappointment. He shook his head and said, ‘but I saved myself for her, I did everything right.’

The book "Talking Back to Purity Culture" addresses the prosperity gospel culture that enabled this kind of entitlement mentality to be fertilized in the hearts of many young people. The sex crazed culture of the 60s and 70 gave rise to the pendulum swing in the 90s-00s of Christian purity culture. Well meaning, but in many ways harmful, a better balance is necessary. This book seeks to critique and correct the overreaches from the purity movement while maintaining the Biblical sexual ethic. Sex is a good gift from God, and He calls us to enjoy it within the bounds of his good commands. Purity is not easy, not very ‘sexy’, and does not always entail rewards. Purity culture took secular marketing ploys to make it appeal to young people. Many books and conferences used prosperity gospel tactics to promise youth awesome married sex if they would just hold out. Many of those teens became adults disillusioned with God when it seemed he was not living up to his end of the bargain they struck with him.

I really appreciate this book for its necessary corrective to an overbearing and legalistic take many issues regarding purity culture. One in particular was the inordinate amount of pressure on women to dress modestly. I realize I internalized a lot of those messages and now, with a teenage daughter, I do not want to saddle her with guilt and pressure to remind herself that guys struggle with lust, and she is vulnerable to that every time she decides what to wear. Of course, I still think we should all use discernment in choosing what we wear and our freedom in Christ does not permit us to be careless in our actions that impact others. But verses that advocate for 'modesty' in dressing are about not flaunting your wealth in a church gathering. Those verses don't have anything to do with sexuality. They are often taken out of context to police girls on what they should not wear so that their brother doesn't stumble. That kind of pressure puts a crippling fear into the hearts of women who never really can know for sure someone is not going to lust after them. The internal wrestling plagues well intentioned women guilt that their brother's sin is possibly their fault or within their control. I appreciate that this book is not out to condemn purity itself, but instead to highlight the ways that cultural Christianity took it too far. It is fine to want to be above board, but purity culture went overboard.

A must read for anyone who Kissed Dating Goodbye or had a purity ring and needs to reexamine the impact on their hearts or those who want to be able to discuss purity honestly with the teens in their life. 

I received an advance copy of this book from the publisher. All opinions are my own.