Great Sex Rescue

I was with some Christian ladies recently and we were encouraged to give a soon-to-be bride some encouragement. After a couple of ladies spoke, I realized it was the same kind of advice I used to get and give. As a newlywed I read books on marriage and sex so I could figure out how to do it God’s way. However, after 20 years of marriage (and counseling) I’ve learned that a lot of what I was told was not the way God intended it to be.

Sheila Wray Gregorie’s ambitious research project became the book, The Great Sex Rescue. In it she identifies the most problematic teaching from popular evangelical marriage books. The research reveals the teachings that were most damaging and suggests how to reframe messages about sex in ways that promote healthy relationships without abandoning God’s sexual ethic. So many books that seek to be corrective end up falling in the opposite ditch. Gregorie keeps God’s design for marriage in the center and points out the problematic teachings and their unhealthy outcomes.

For instance, one harmful teaching that is encouraged in other books is: A wife is obligated to give her husband sex whenever he wants it. Yet, in their research they found that women reported worse sex if they have a sense of obligation. They reframe the issue to state that each spouse should make the other’s sexual pleasure their priority. The book also addresses the undo pressure placed on women (blaming a wife for a husband’s porn use or affairs) while restating that each spouse is responsible for their own faithfulness and responsibility. Sex is a vital part of marriage that both spouses are meant to enjoy. This book will help couples examine what they’ve been taught and if it’s contributing to issues in their sex life. The questions in each chapter are helpful conversation starters and places to pause and take personal inventory.

It’s an important corrective for those who consumed the popular Christian marriage and sex books of the 90s and 2000s. I don’t know if I’d recommend it as the best go-to book for sex and marriage for new couples, but it is essential reading for those impacted by those misguided teachings. I think it is a necessary book for leaders in the church who want to be able to identify the harmful messages their congregations have taken in and continue to pass on to others. It will equip you to understand and reframe conversations about sex in a way that affirms God's gift without unintentionally endorsing faulty teaching.

Find out more at GreatSexRescue.com or Sheila’s blog at ToLoveHonorAndVacuum.com

I received an advance copy of this book from the publisher. All opinions are my own.