Spiritual Bypassing
Spiritual Bypassing is the use of spiritual practices and beliefs
to avoid or suppress unresolved personal or emotional issues.[1] In the community of my
ministry setting (white, American, southern, evangelicals) emotions and
physical reactions to situations are often treated as things to get over
instead of clues that lead to better mental health. A strong distrust of
emotions, combined with a lack of faith and patience, inhibits maturity.
Bypassing these issues with simplistic applications of scripture is a quicker path
to spiritual maturity. Fear of failure or being seen as unspiritual drives a
superficial happiness that leads to burnout, particularly among women and those
in ministry. Using the models of Educative and Group counseling I seek to teach
a course on emotional health to address the dangers of Spiritual Bypassing and
train and equip women in how to address emotions in a healthy way.
Common
Symptoms and Presenting Elements
Though more prevalent in older generations there continues to be a
hesitancy to discuss emotional issues clearly and honestly. In Christian
communities like my own, strong emotions can be seen as things to get over and are
not to be trusted. Verses regarding the handling of emotions are used without
discernment as blanket statements of guidance for any situation. When scripture
or spiritual concepts are employed to avoid problems, it leads to an immature
faith. For example, “the heart is deceitful above all else” is used to squelch
any expression of negative feelings and encourage a distrust of self. Likewise,
when anger arises in relationships, a simplistic use of “do not judge lest you
be judged” creates an easy exit route to avoid dealing with conflict. Fear is dismissed
with “do not be anxious about anything.” Toxic positivity greets those who are
suffering with “be thankful in all circumstances.” When there is a low
tolerance for emotional pain grief is too quickly met with “God works
everything out according to his plan.” Some rush to premature forgiveness and
end up settling for a faux peace because they “turn the other cheek, look for
the speck in their own eye, and don’t let the sun go down on their anger.” While
these verses can be healthy ways to deal with some situations,
discernment is necessary to know when to apply them. They are not the
only way the Bible advises we deal with various emotions, and they should not
be applied to guilt someone simply for experiencing feelings that are
appropriate relative to the situation. When scripture is used to ignore emotions,
it becomes spiritual bypassing.
The pressure to outwardly conform to a neutered emotional state
creates a buildup of repressed emotions that end up exploding or get channeled
into other unhealthy coping mechanisms. Feelings and physical bodily reactions are
not the problem in themselves rather the actions that are done as a result can
be sinful. If we don’t understand how to deal with our feelings, we will feel
helpless to overcome issues that continually plague us. Because of lack of
honesty with others, people can believe that mature Christians just shouldn’t
have problems with anger, fear, or depression.
Younger generations tend to be interested and open to a more dramatic
release of emotions, sometimes in very public ways on social media. But this
may be an overreaction to the perceived frigidity of older generations. A
simple pendulum swing is not helpful. Expression of emotions and noticing
physical reactions to stimuli is a necessary first step. Next, emotionally
charged reactions must be processed and examined in order to understand where
they originated. From there we can learn how to deal with them in healthy ways.
Giving emotions full vent may feel cathartic in the moment but it is not a
viable long-term solution.
Etiological
factors
There have been some encouraging signs of change. Generally, there
is now less stigma in going to therapy or taking medicines for mental health
than in years past. However, a person in church may mention they take a
medicine for anxiety, but do they ever discuss with other believers the reasons
why? Is a therapist the only person who is considered trustworthy and capable of
deep conversation? The tendency toward a triumphant Christianity leaves no room
for stories that don’t already have a happy ending. KJ Ramsey states, “Western
Christendom has long treated suffering like a problem to fix and a blight to
hide. What if the church treated suffering like a story to tell rather than a
secret to keep until it passes?”[2]
Lack of close community is particularly difficult for leaders in
the church. It can create a hesitancy to reveal any weaknesses because of fear
of rejection or pressure to perform. Yet God’s Word tells us that it is in our
weaknesses that he is strong (2 Cor 12:9). Closely connected to a fear of
rejection is weak boundaries. Capitulating to others in the name of being
‘self-sacrificing’ ferments resentment in the heart. God says, “let your yes be
yes and your no be no” (Matt 5:37). We cannot obey this verse if we inwardly
say no and outwardly say yes. Deceiving ourselves we think we are living a
sacrificial life when we actually are just afraid of saying no. Because these
qualities are praised in others we seek to conform to a good Christian model
even if it is forced. We try to “fake it until you make it” instead of Galatians
3:3: “How foolish can you be? After starting your new lives in the Spirit, why
are you now trying to become perfect by your own human effort?” We are often
self-deceived.
Another contributing factor is the overreliance of popular
teachers instead of a consistent study of the word. Lament is not an
economically profitable subject to write on and will not likely create best
sellers. Who wants to read about that? Yet, the Bible has an entire book devoted
to lament and most of the Psalms deal with this theme. When Christians are
discipled more by what people say about the Bible rather than their own
personal study it contributes to the pressure to conform to an idealized
version of Christianity that is not reflected in the scriptures.
Demographic
information
Lack of discernment is prevalent in homogenous communities with a
low tolerance for different opinions. One way wisdom is gained is exposure to
differing views and outside perspectives. If no one else is discussing the
issues or emotions, you are experiencing it can feel too risky to speak up. The
pressure to measure up to acceptable standards is even greater. Particularly at
risk are women and those in serving contexts. Some complementarian settings
encourage women, either explicitly or implicitly, to unilaterally submit to
their husbands. This teaching discourages the use of discernment in favor of
following a simplistic legalistic rule. Those in ministry leadership are often
tempted to dismiss their own needs as selfish, deciding it is better to serve sacrificially, in a misguided attempt to honor God.
The
Problem from a Theological Perspective
Ultimately I believe the tendency towards
Spiritual Bypassing is a lack of deep faith, propelled by fear and adherence to
a prosperity gospel. We are taught that we ‘reap what we sow’ and as a general
principle that is certainly true. However, if we ignore the truth of grace
exemplified in the parable of the prodigal son we will arrive at a skewed
application of the scriptures. The tendency in Spiritual Bypassing gravitates
toward the verses and concepts that focus on man-centered efforts. This
promotes a works-based experience and focuses on end results rather than deep
processes. The lack of discipleship around this issue leaves well-meaning
people feeling that to be a good Christian they need to ignore their emotions
and their physical reactions. Spiritual Bypassing is a repackaged prosperity
gospel that deals with emotions in an immature way, ignoring the root causes to
achieve a superficial maturity.
[1]
Gabriela Picciotto and Jesse Fox, “Exploring Experts’ Perspectives on Spiritual
Bypass: A Conventional Content Analysis.” Pastoral Psychology 67, no. 1
(2018): 65–84. doi:10.1007/s11089-017-0796-7.
[2] Ramsey, KJ. This Too Shall Last: Finding Grace When Suffering Lingers. (Grand Rapids, Michigan: Zondervan 2020), 22.
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